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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24401854">fillin' in the gaps with gold</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/annber/pseuds/attolians'>attolians (annber)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, I'm Sorry, I'm not sorry, M/M, and maybe a bit more, buck finally gets his party, buck is also dumb of ass, eddie has no game in this, no beta we die like men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:20:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,959</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24401854</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/annber/pseuds/attolians</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>written for the prompt: </p><p>How about a fic where the team throw a surprise party for Buck? And maybe he suspects something and figures they’ll throw him a party with the works but instead it’s a fluffy little family gathering or something</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>245</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>fillin' in the gaps with gold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>partly inspired by 'bits and pieces' by jp cooper - it's always reminded me of buddie :')</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The anniversary has been looming for weeks. As much as Buck tries to keep himself distracted…it hasn’t been working as well as he’d like.</p><p>At least the nightmares weren’t every night. That was something, right?</p><p>Sometimes it feels like it happened to someone else. Or that it never happened at all. Because, surely, after that much pain – he’d have died right? At some point, after <em>all </em>of that he’d have given up.</p><p>His leg was <em>crushed</em>.</p><p>It was turned into a frothy mass of muscle and bone barely contained by his skin.</p><p>In his dreams it just looks like a bunch of crushed tomatoes. Once – they’d turned into spaghetti sauce complete with swollen, overcooked noodles. Buck still can’t look at spaghetti the same way actually.</p><p>But he’d gotten past it.</p><p>Sure, he’d nearly lost his job and then he’d nearly lost his family. There’d hardly been a welcome back party for him.</p><p>He gets it. Mostly. He does.</p><p>He’d inadvertently betrayed all of them just to protect himself. If he had to go back he wouldn’t do it again – but only because of what a scumbag that lawyer turned out to be.</p><p>With his back against the wall and his job on the line; Buck would still do whatever he had to do to keep it.</p><p>Not that he says that out loud.</p><p>It’s one of the many things that he’s <em>never </em>going to admit to anyone. Not even Maddie.</p><p> </p><p>In any case; the anniversary of the worst injury of his life is coming up.</p><p>It’s leaving Buck antsy. He can barely get through a conversation at work without wondering if anyone will bring it up.</p><p>Buck can’t help but be reminded of the aftermath of the train wreck. Every time anyone had walked up to him he’d dreaded the mention of Abby’s name.</p><p>This isn’t much worse, actually.</p><p>He shouldn’t be embarrassed of his injury. Nor should he be embarrassed about Abby. It wasn’t as if he could have stopped that bomb from exploding – or her mother dying.</p><p>No, sometimes life happens and all we can do is pick up the pieces.</p><p>Buck knows that. He deals with it nearly every day of his life.</p><p> </p><p>But he still can’t help but feel…sensitive over either topic.</p><p>No matter how many times the logical part of his brain can repeat something it’s constantly overwhelmed by the <em>thump, thump, thump </em>of the more emotional thoughts that stem from his heart.</p><p>Maybe his parents didn’t love him because he wasn’t good enough.</p><p>Maybe Abby didn’t come back because he wasn’t good enough.</p><p>Maybe that truck landing on him was a sign – because he wasn’t good enough.</p><p>It’s stupid. He knows it is.</p><p>He can’t become less sensitive. He can’t feel <em>less</em>. He knows because he’s tried.</p><p>No, sadly Buck will be stuck with a heart nearly too big for his chest for the rest of his life.</p><p> </p><p>He needs to shake this off.</p><p>He can’t go back and change any of it.</p><p>Both wounds have healed over and closed. Sure, they ache sometimes but they’ll get better.</p><p>Maybe there will be a day when he passes the anniversary of the truck and doesn’t even think about it.</p><p>Maybe someday there will be a day when he’s happily with his someone, whoever that is, and Abby won’t feel like half the book anymore. She’ll be summarized in a chapter that’s gone by and Buck can keep writing – he can keep moving.</p><p>It won’t be this year but…maybe someday.</p><p>…</p><p>Technically, Buck only has to work 12 hours on the day of. It’s the perfect solution actually, because if Bobby had given him the entire day off Buck thinks he’d have felt even worse.</p><p>Now, he’s almost guaranteed to be asleep when the clock rolls past midnight. He won’t be alone in his loft thinking about it, he’ll be at the station with his family instead.</p><p>He’s a little keyed up on his way in but it’s manageable. It’s not like everyone doesn’t already know what tomorrow is anyway.</p><p>It’s going to be okay. <em>He’s </em>going to be okay.</p><p>It might not hurt to remind himself though.</p><p> </p><p>The first couple hours of the shift pass easily enough.</p><p>When they’re not on calls Buck makes sure to keep himself busy with Hen or Chim – he tries to ignore the way he misses Eddie almost as much as he tries to ignore what tomorrow is.</p><p>He helps with dinner and even tries to help with the dishes, throwing up his hands in defeat when three glares are turned on him at once.</p><p>It’s as good a time as any to put on his workout playlist and hit the treadmill so that’s exactly what he does.</p><p>Buck doesn’t climb off until he’s damp with sweat and his muscles are aching just past the point of comfort. If he wasn’t at the station he’d go longer but as it is, he needs to be ready to go back out.</p><p>The station has quieted down by now and Buck hopes he can grab a couple hours of sleep after his shower. Then again, there’s every chance a call will happen before he can accomplish either goal.</p><p>Buck sighs to himself as he walks and sends out a vague hope to the universe that the alarm won’t ring.</p><p> </p><p>After showering and shaving just for something to do – Buck makes his way quietly to the bunk room and slips into his bed.</p><p>He flops onto his stomach and bundles the pillow in his arms before propping his cheek on it.</p><p>Closing his eyes, Buck tries to quiet his mind.</p><p>He breathes in and out deeply to soothe himself.</p><p>There’s nothing left to distract himself with. He’s on his own with keeping his brain under control.</p><p>Still, he’s already tucked into bed and he’s not giving up that easily.</p><p>It takes a while – what feels like an hour – and Buck has to keep his mind going in circles in order to keep it away from the truck but eventually…he sleeps.</p><p>…</p><p>Buck doesn’t know what wakes him.</p><p>He never set an alarm, mostly assuming something or someone would wake him up before his phone had a chance to.</p><p>It’s perfectly quiet in the bunkroom now though.</p><p>Slowly, he stretches his legs out; then he rolls onto his side and reaches for his phone.</p><p>It’s nearly one in the morning already – officially his anniversary.</p><p>He sighs to himself and glances around the bunkroom belatedly.</p><p>How is he the only one asleep?</p><p>Doubt sits on his chest and curls into a tight ball.</p><p>It’s a coincidence…right?</p><p> </p><p>Buck doesn’t let himself debate.</p><p>He shoves out of his bunk and heads into the station in his bare feet.</p><p>At first, he can’t hear anything. It’s only when he stops and really takes the time to listen that he can hear quiet rustling and…laughter?</p><p>Immediately, Buck’s torn between relief and even more anxiety.</p><p>Nothing is wrong if people are laughing – is it? But they know what today is, surely they wouldn’t try and pull any pranks on him today? Would they?</p><p>He shakes himself again.</p><p>The last thing he needs to do is jump to any stupid conclusions.</p><p>Instead, Buck makes his way into the body of the station.</p><p>Hen appears to be directing traffic as Chim and Eddie carry a ladder.</p><p>            “Eddie?”</p><p><em>Oh shit. </em>That slipped out without him really meaning for it to.</p><p> </p><p>Both Hen and Eddie look over at him, Hen frowning immediately.</p><p>            “Buck! Go back to sleep, we’re not ready yet!”</p><p>Buck blinks a few times.</p><p>            “Uh…ready for what?”</p><p>            “What do you think, Buckaroo?” Chim questions, setting his end of the ladder down. “Of course all he notices is Eddie.” With that, Chim throws both hands up in apparent defeat and heads for the stairs.</p><p>            “Hey, Eddie’s not supposed to be here,” Buck says.</p><p>            “I do work here,” Eddie says mildly, finally giving up and setting his end of the ladder down too.</p><p>            “Not today you don’t.”</p><p>            “Buck,” Hen interrupts, “we have a whole banner to hang. Can you go back to sleep and pretend to be surprised in about thirty minutes?”</p><p>            “I still don’t know what you’re doing so technically I’m surprised right now.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Well, you never…got an official coming back party,” Hen says after a beat. “So, we wanted to fix that.”</p><p>Buck finds himself blinking silently again.</p><p>He looks past Hen to Eddie but there aren’t any answers written on Eddie’s face – he still has no idea what to say.</p><p>            “You don’t have to do that,” he finally settles on.</p><p>It’s not like he hadn’t tried to sue the entire department.</p><p>Hen crosses to him.</p><p>            “Buck,” she says gently, “we all messed up. It’s not just on you.”</p><p>            “We, um,” he has to pause, clearing his throat, “Athena threw that party.”</p><p>He leaves out <em>that I almost died at. </em></p><p>            “Well, we already bought the cake,” Hen tells him. “So, you’re too late.”</p><p>            “I was asleep,” Buck points out, his cheeks warm.</p><p>            “Come upstairs so we can celebrate you!” Chim yells from the railing before Hen can answer.</p><p>Buck doesn’t bother protesting it’s the middle of the night. Mostly because he doesn’t want to protest at all.</p><p> </p><p>They have pizza and cake – there’s party hats and even a few fire truck themed presents.</p><p>It’s probably the wildest night Buck has ever spent in the station but his cheeks are aching from how hard he’s been smiling.</p><p>After nearly two hours they say goodbye to Eddie and decide to leave cleanup for the morning.</p><p>With a stuffed fire truck tucked under one arm, Buck heads back to bed.</p><p>This time, he falls asleep in short order.</p><p>…</p><p>The shift ends up running long the next day but Buck doesn’t mind it.</p><p>By the time he walks through the door of his loft he feels more at peace than he expected. He still has the stuffed fire truck with him and while the team doesn’t need to know – he fully intends on keeping it.</p><p>            “Bucky!”</p><p>Buck jumps, nearly dropping both the plush and his phone.</p><p>Eddie rounds the corner with Christopher propped on his hip.</p><p>            “Hey, Superman! What are you doing here?”</p><p>            “I couldn’t come to your party,” Christopher says. He reaches out as Eddie draws closer, clearly wanting to be held by Buck instead.</p><p>Buck’s heart melts. He drops his duffle and plush, tucking his phone into his back pocket swiftly before reaching for the boy too.</p><p>“It wasn’t fair that everyone else got to tell you they love you and I didn’t,” Christopher explains as Buck settles him in his arms.</p><p>Buck’s heart melts again. He blinks rapidly, willing himself not to cry.  </p><p>            “I love you too, buddy.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s hard to set Christopher down after that. Buck still feels a bit choked up.</p><p>            “So, you’re just casually breaking in now?” Buck asks as Christopher makes his way over to the couch.</p><p>            “I had good intentions.”</p><p>            “Well, you did bring over my favorite person.”</p><p>            “And dedicate my night off to your party.”</p><p>Buck can’t stop himself from smiling again, even though he’s trying to act mad.</p><p>            “Yeah,” he agrees. “I guess you did.”</p><p>            “You deserved a party,” Eddie says. “But I thought we could do some movies and order some food so you can have a chill night too.”</p><p>Buck nods, not trusting his voice.</p><p>His anniversary turned out far, far better than he ever could have imagined.</p><p>…</p><p>            “Seriously though,” Eddie whispers across the space between them hours later, “you doing okay?”</p><p>Christopher is passed out between them and Buck doesn’t even have to think about his answer.</p><p>            “I’m good,” he says. “Pretty much perfect, actually.”</p><p>Eddie looks pleased at that, smiling in the soft purple light of the TV screen.</p><p>            “Next time you accuse me of breaking in I’ll just ignore you then.”</p><p>            “You’re always welcome here,” Buck admits – probably too honest.</p><p>            “The Legos kinda harsh the bachelor pad flow,” Eddie teases.</p><p>Buck snorts, already shaking his head.</p><p>            “That’s not me anymore.”</p><p>            “Technically it is.”</p><p>But Buck just shakes his head again.</p><p>            “Anyone I date is going to have to understand that Chris is part of my life. So are you. So is the 118. I’m not going down the Ali path again.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s quiet for long enough that Buck nudges his ankle with a toe.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>            “I don’t want to say it wrong,” Eddie says, sighing. “I love that you love Chris and I never want that to change. But…you don’t have to…base your life around him? I’m…do I sound like an asshole?”</p><p>            “No,” Buck says after swallowing. “I get it. But I meant what I said. If they don’t understand the people that are the most important to me – they’re not the right person for me. I have my own life. I can’t make someone else’s mine. I’m not going back down the Abby path either.” Buck’s too flustered to think over his next words and they come tumbling out on their own accord. “Maybe I should swear off women for a while.”</p><p>            “Didn’t we just talk about you <em>not </em>swearing off women?” Eddie checks.</p><p>            “I’m just as capable of setting up a grindr as the next guy, Eddie. I’m a millennial.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie goes quiet for another long beat of time.</p><p>This time, Buck looks down to make sure Christopher is still asleep. Before he can panic over it, Buck sees that Christopher’s eyes are still closed. He breathes a quick sigh of relief before looking back to Eddie.</p><p>            “Are you joking?” Eddie finally asks. “Or…?”</p><p>Buck scratches at his chin, immediately flustered again.</p><p>            “Uh... No. I’m pansexual.”</p><p>            “Huh,” Eddie lets out.</p><p>            “I always forget you didn’t know me when I was uh…before I dated Abby,” Buck corrects. “It feels like I’ve known you for…for longer.”</p><p>He’d been scarily close to saying <em>forever</em>.</p><p>            “I didn’t know you were pan. That’s…nice.”</p><p>Buck wishes he could laugh but he’s too nervous to.</p><p>            “Are you okay?”</p><p>            “Yeah,” Eddie says immediately. Then he climbs off the couch. “It’s getting late, right? I should get Chris home.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck climbs off the couch too, well aware his best friend is not okay.</p><p>            “Eddie,” Buck says, crossing to him and laying a tentative hand on his arm. “Seriously, you good?”</p><p>            “Yeah,” Eddie repeats. “I just didn’t know.”</p><p>            “Okay,” Buck says slowly, “does it matter, though?”</p><p>            “Look, I’m not mentally capable of having this conversation right now,” Eddie says. “I’m not ready.”</p><p>Buck draws back, very nearly crossing his arms over his chest as his brow furrows in confusion.</p><p>            “What does that mean?”</p><p>            “It means I haven’t successfully flirted in a decade, Buck. I need time to get my shit together.”</p><p>Buck’s head tilts slightly to the side.</p><p>            “What…like a race to get a girlfriend before I get a boyfriend?”</p><p>That didn’t make sense. Did it? No. Buck was mostly sure.</p><p>            “I don’t even remember the name of my favorite aftershave,” Eddie continues, talking right over Buck’s question. “I am not ready for this.” He presses the heel of his palm to his forehead and closes his eyes for a moment, sighing heavily.</p><p>            “Are you having a stroke?” Buck asks, only half joking.</p><p> </p><p>            “You’ve never thought about it?” Eddie asks suddenly.</p><p>            “Having a stroke?” Buck demands, nearly throwing his hands up in frustration.</p><p>            “No, <em>this</em>,” Eddie says emphatically. He gestures between them and then over to Chris – thankfully still asleep on the couch. “Us,” he corrects.</p><p>            “I think about you all the time? Both of you. Um.”</p><p>Buck blinks at him, unsure what Eddie’s trying to get at.</p><p>            “We fit,” Eddie says firmly. “Me and Chris and you. We <em>fit</em>.”  </p><p>            “I know we fit. I just told you that whoever I date has to understand that. Are we having the same conversation?”</p><p>Eddie huffs out a low laugh.</p><p>            “No. I don’t think we are.”</p><p>            “Okay…” Buck agrees slowly. “Then…what are you talking about?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie inhales audibly and sets his shoulders. Then he closes the last few feet between them.</p><p>They’re standing nearly chest to chest behind Buck’s couch now.</p><p>Buck is still entirely lost in the conversation but he thinks that Eddie’s proximity isn’t helping matters.</p><p>
  <em>We fit. </em>
</p><p>Eddie’s not much shorter than him. Objectively, Buck realizes that.</p><p>But Eddie doesn’t even have to push onto the balls of his feet because Buck is already curving down to meet him.</p><p>It’s like Buck’s body knows enough to carry on without him. Like his body knows they fit too.</p><p>Their lips brush against each other softly and Buck stops breathing. As they try and move even closer together their foreheads knock and Buck stumbles against the back of the couch, shoving it several inches.</p><p>Both Buck and Eddie freeze comically, staring at each other with huge eyes.</p><p>            “Dad?” Christopher asks sleepily.</p><p>            “Y-Yeah, bud. We’re gonna head out soon, okay?”</p><p>            “Mmhm.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck tries to smother his laugh in his palm.</p><p>            “So…rain check?”</p><p>            “Okay.”</p><p>He feels breathless looking back at Eddie – who apparently isn’t straight.</p><p>            “I’m gonna, um, yeah,” Eddie manages.</p><p>He turns away, rounding the couch and pulling his shoes on. After that it’s a smooth well practiced routine of getting Chris into his arms. He gathers his phone and keys with his free hand by the front door.</p><p>“See ya.”</p><p>            “Bye,” Buck returns quietly.</p><p>He’s barely moved from behind the couch. He’s almost scared to try and take a step – he feels so light he’s not sure gravity is still holding him down.</p><p>…</p><p>By the time Buck cleans up and takes a (possibly cold) shower – the clock has ticked over to 12:03.</p><p>His anniversary is over.</p><p>He inhales deeply before letting the breath back out.</p><p>Yeah, he thinks - he’s doing pretty damn good.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! ♡</p></blockquote></div></div>
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